Anxiety

 November 20:


Some days my anxiety is like background noise and it hums all day long at a consistent electric current and other days my body throws me into anxiety attacks constantly all day long. My stomach tightens, my heart races while my mind screams SCARY, SCARY, SCARY. It feels like waves violently crashing over me while I’m unable to draw breath. Hitting me, pounding me, suffocating me. My anxiety is worse when I try to sleep. The attacks come like waves and if it gets bad enough; I pray. I’m unable to move, unable to reach for help so I silently pray. Locking the doors and windows at night or turning off all the lights downstairs before I go upstairs will start a panic attack. Today my anxiety told me that my interactions with everyone I came into contact with and every conversation I had held some type of awkwardness where the person walked away unsure of how to be around me. my anxiety lies to me. My anxiety also allows me to pick up on the slightest tiniest shift in emotions sometimes in their rawest forms and be 100% right. Usually when that happens I’m incapable of not sharing it with the person I’ve made the observation about. It just doesn’t usually end well.

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